A Reminder
by DigitalSunburn
Summary: "Tony?" Steve whispered as his eyes slowly traced Tony's naked chest. Steve's eyes fell upon the arc reactor and a gasped escaped passed his lips before he could stop it. Despite all the scars and red angry tissue around the device its self. The reactor was even more beautiful than Steve had thought, and he could feel his fingers itching for a pencil.


The first thing Steve had noticed when moving into the Stark Tower -now named the Avenger Tower- was that Tony had insomnia. He would stay up all night, either working in his lab, or reading. Engineering books of course.

Steve only knew this because as a super soldier, he didn't need as much sleep as the others. So when he was camping out on different floors of the tower at three in the morning. He'd hear Tony's foot steps making there way into the kitchen, followed by the sound of the coffee machine.

Steve never asked Tony why he'd be awake. The blond guessed it was nightmares. Because sometimes when Steve looked into the lab, the brunet would either be passed out over his desk, or on the small sofa, a book normally resting on his chest. Tony's brow would be furrowed and his eyelids fluttering, and at the base of Tony's neck would lay beads of sweat.

Tonight Steve was in the kitchen. His back against one of the comfortable chairs and his legs rested on the table top, a sketch book laid in his lap. The super soldier looked at his watch, it was sliver and looked expensive. Tony had bought it for him, for his birthday. The clock read three A.M. and the blond knew Tony would be dragging himself up here to grab a cup of coffee.

Steve had already made his a cup. It sat beside him in a Iron Man mug. The liquid cooled down enough for Tony to drink right away.

The ding of the elevator announced Tony's arrival. Steve watched as the engineer walked out of the elevator only to stop short when his eyes met Steve's blue ones. Tony rubbed his eyes but said nothing. Steve smiled and pushed the cup towards him.

"You made me coffee?" Tony asked, eyeing the cup, but made no move to grab it.

Steve rolled his eyes, "Black, just like you like it."

Tony hummed as he finally brought the cup to his mouth, "Rich. And it's in my favourite cup."

"Figured that the only cup that would please you, is the one with your face on it." Steve said with a smirk.

Tony flashed his a sleepy smile and grabbed out a bag of strawberries from the fridge and dumped them into the bowl that sat on the table by Steve's feet. Tony grabbed a handful of the strawberries and popped them into his mouth. Wincing a little bit at the sweetness.

"Wash the strawberries before eating them, they have pesticides." Steve said in his 'I'm the Captain and I'm the boss' voice.

"I'm building up my poison immunity."

Steve chuckled and brought the rest of the fruit over to the sink and rinsed them. He dried them off and placed the bowl back down on the smooth table top.

Silence soon took over them, as Steve went back to drawing, and Tony sat down across from him, eating the strawberries and drinking his coffee.

"Why aren't you in bed?" Tony asked, causing the blond to look up.

"Couldn't sleep I guess." Steve replied and went back to drawing.

"What you drawing over there Cap?" Tony asked a moment later.

Steve blushed as he looked at what he drew. The super soldier hadn't really been paying attention to what his hands where creating, to busy waiting for Tony to come up.

"Oh..." Tony said taken back, the drawing was of him. Well his arc reactor.

"I'm sorry Tony, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

"No, it's okay. Hell you made it look somewhat... Good." Tony explained, clearly impressed with Steve's drawing skills.

That was when Steve realized Tony hated the reactor and thought the device was ugly.

"I can't get ride of it. Really it's not probably." Steve suggest seriously as he tore the page out of the sketch book.

"Cap, it's fine. I was just shocked that you'd waste your time on something so... ugly."

"Tony, you arc reactor isn't ugly. In fact it's probably one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. And if you'd let me, maybe one of these days you could show me one of the old ones. I've only ever seen the one Pepper kept in the container."

Tony stood still, as he tried to fully process, not only what Steve had said, but the way he said it. The blonds voice had no trace of discuss. Tony realized Steve was genuinely curious about the device.

The engineer's hands came up to his button up shirt, and before either of them could process what was happening, Tony stood shirtless. The engineer shivered against the cold air hitting his bare skin.

"Tony?" Steve whispered as his eyes slowly traced Tony's torso. The blond took in the well toned abs, and the countless scars and burns that decorated his stomach. Finally Steve's eyes reached the arc reactor and a gasped escaped passed his lips before he could stop it. Around the outer casing, laid raised and angry scar tissue.

The reactor itself was even more beautiful than Steve had thought. The blue light shined bright, casting shadows against Tony's face. And Steve could feel his fingers itching for a pencil.

"Can I?" Steve asked as he took a small step forward, but kept enough distance between them, so if Tony decided to leave, he could.

"Look away Cap." Tony smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes, and his voice was laced with fear that the engineer couldn't control.

But Tony made no move, to leave. So, Steve quickly step to his side. The super soldier let his eyes wander Tony's chest taking him every little detail. Like for example, if you looked close enough, Tony had these small freckles that if you turned your head a little, it looked like the Little Dipper.

"If you want, you can draw it now." Tony suggest, snapping Steve back to reality.

The blond met Tony's eye and saw a flash of insecurity, before Tony bowed his head to look at the floor.

"Really?" Steve asked, "I mean, only if you want me to."

Tony let out a silent laugh, "I'm the one who offered."

Steve nodded and grabbed his art supplies, "Go sit on the sofa. It's warmer in there, and the sofas softer than these chairs."

Tony nodded and set down his now empty cup, on the table and made his way to the sofa.

/

An hour or so later, Steve's eyes were stinging and he had stifled more than one yawn. The super soldier could also see that a Tony was fighting back sleep as well. The coffee starting to wear off, as Tony sat on the sofa, TV playing some show but Steve payed no attention to it.

Steve smiled as he watched Tony shift a little in his spot. Steve has quickly realized -with mild amusement- that the engineer couldn't sit still.

"Are you almost done?" Tony asked as he shifted once more.

"You in a hurry to go somewhere else?" Steve asked, running a blue pastel across his paper.

"Nah, just have some stuff to finish off in the lab." Tony replied switching channels. The TV casting different colours onto his face.

"Shouldn't you go to bed?" The blond question. When he didn't get a response, he looked up at Tony.

The engineer was looking at the TV, with a blank expression and stiff shoulders. Before Steve could apologize, Tony whispered, so quietly that a normal human wouldn't hear it. But to Steve's advantage, he wasn't a normal human, "I can't sleep."

Steve was at a lost of words, so he just hummed, and gave a small nod. He didn't make no move to get a farther explanation, or to stop Tony for continuing.

"Pepper thought the nightmares were from Afghanistan. But I've always had them..." Tony tailed off, finally settling on a program he tossed the remote to the side,

"I used to do different things to make sure I wouldn't have one. It's a real turn off... At first I tried not eating before I went to bed, but I realized, I never ate. So that didn't really work. They told me to not go to bed angry, but I'm always angry. Back then it was at Howard, but then I got angry at myself;

Of course there's the option to reduce alcohol and caffeine, we all know how well that would've went... Don't sleep on your back, sometimes did the trick... Give yourself some self-love and acceptance." Tony let out a laugh at the last one.

Steve's heart was aching at the thought of Tony hating himself so much. Steve realized that he was going to work really hard on making sure Tony knew how much he was loved.

"So what did work?" Steve asked as he set aside the sketch pad, and joined Tony on the sofa. Arms and thighs pressed up against each other's. Steve clothed arm, warming up Tony's naked one, and the blond smiled when he felt Tony sink into the warmth of his side.

Tony gave a small smile, "I kept fresh flowers and aromatic oils in the bedroom. It worked like a charm. And the women thought I was being romantic."

Steve frowned, "So why'd you stop?"

Tony sighed and pulled his shirt back on, like it was one of his suits and the armor would protect him from the truth of his confession, "I guess after Afghanistan, I felt like I deserved the nightmares. And after a while I gave up on trying to sleep. I need to find a way to make it right again. Not sleeping? Well that seemed like a small price to pay."

"You've already done so much Tony. There deaths weren't your fault. You shouldn't have to pay." Steve wanted to punch anyone who told him other wise.

Tony shrugged, and looked back to the TV, "Someone has to."

It wasn't a good argument, but Steve didn't fight it. Instead the blond turned and grabbed the sketch pad and placed it on Tony's lap.

Tony bent his neck down and let his eyes wonder the drawing. The engineer felt tears welding up in his eyes, but didn't fight them. Steve had done it in black and white, save for the reactor its self which was blue.

"It's beautiful, Cap." Tony said breathless, as he wiped away the tear before they could soak the paper.

"Told you, Shell-head." Steve smiled, nudging Tony's ribcage gently.

"Do you mind if it keep it? I need a new painting in my lab." Tony asked, eyes kept on the drawing.

"It's all yours Tony." Steve replied getting up and walked across the room to were his art supplies laid.

Tony followed him, keeping his red stained eyes on the floor. Well as much as he could, when Steve's track pants hugged his ass so nicely.

"Here." Steve held out the drawing he had grabbed from Tony. At the bottom of the page laid Steve's name, "It's all yours."

Tony felt a blush spread across his checks, "Thank you Steve. Your art work is amazing."

Steve blushed and handed Tony the paper, fingers brushing against the engineers, causing Steve's heart to flutter.

"I have to asked," Steve paused, and waiting till Tony met his eyes, "If you hate the arc reactor so much, why keep the picture?"

Tony sighed, "I hate the picture. Not because it's poorly done, because it's not... I guess it's a reminder to keep fighting, for the thousands of deaths. A reminder that even though I hurt so many people, that at the end of the day, Captain America can call me a friend. That even though I hate myself, someone will make me coffee at three in the morning. Because to move forward, I need to give myself some self-love and acceptance..."

"You don't have to do this alone, Tony."

Tony nodded.

"Good..." Steve nodded back, happy, "Now for the picture, above your desk would be the perfect place for this. Thoughts?"

Tony brought his hand up to his chin, his index finger tapping against his bottom lip, "I think that'd be a great place there, Cap."

Steve rolled his eyes and started walking towards the elevator, Tony trailing behind him, more or less looking at the drawing in his hands, than were he was walking.

Once inside the elevator, Steve ordered Jarvis to take them down to Tony's lab. The ride was silent but comfortable. As Tiny looked at the drawing, eyes scanning every detail. While Steve watched as Tony frowned at some of the more detailed scars, and Steve knew he hated the picture. And yet that made the super soldier happier than he's ever been.

Cause there's nothing more beautiful than a man accepting that he's broken and choosing to move forward.


End file.
